The Transitional stage

They say the hardest part of labour is the transitional stage. The transitional stage is described as the most painful part of labour, as your body is changing from the cervix opening to the body getting ready to push. Yet again I find myself at this stage, I have been adjusting for a while, waiting to see how things will fall into place & now it is time to push forwards. To take another step. To keep going.

I feel like this past year has been one of the biggest transitions for me. I can pinpoint a few transitions I’ve been through in my lifetime, all natural milestones & next steps that people take everyday. This one however has had lots of little parts; three house moves, four job starts, two job finishes, I started mentoring as a part of the I Am Beautiful Project (a massive next step which was defiantly out fo my comfort zone), a new romantic relationship for myself & a pregnancy announcement in my family. . . all within ten months. So much was happening at the same time & some things straight after another that I feel it is only now my feet have touched the floor & I am starting to find my bearings. Part of me feels an undercurrent of anxiety & discomfort, change is not always easy, no matter how much you may want it. All of the changes have also brought with them the reassurance of my growth & capabilities to make change when it is needed, to pivot when disaster strikes & most importantly to face my fears & that feeling of anxiety that arises in new relationships. I do feel quite proud I have to say.

Of all the transitions I’ve made I feel this mixture of changes has been the calmest, the easiest & the most exciting of them all. There are many exciting parts of this new chapter & most of them I have manifested. No matter how hard changes have been to make & then walk through in my life, I have always really enjoyed being in motion regularly. Being stagnant just brings me unease, unfullfilment & anxiety. The thing I’d really like to remind you of is how important it is to keep making transitions, to keep changing things up. I struggled for many years with big changes, even now they unsettle me. However with each one I become more capable & confident. There are many changes which may affect you but you don’t have control over, a new baby in my family for example, I am massively affected, however it isn’t my change, if that makes sense. The transitions I mean are the ones we go through as we get older & mature. It’s the ones that we must go through in order to move closer to our goals, to grow. It’s the changes we choose to make that make up our strength of character, determination & reverence for life. Change & doing anything outside of my comfort zone used to scare the living s**t out of me. I was paralysed by the unknown. It wasn’t until I forced myself to jump & went to work on a cruise ship that life got really interesting. Ever since then it has been a constant whirlwind of growth & change & ambition & fulfilment. It was through these changes that I fell in love with who I am & who I am becoming. It was through these changes that I have found my curiosity for learning & helping others. It’s through these changes that I have found love & confidence & gumption to fight for what I want.

My mum asked me to write a note in a family friends card the other day, she is finishing secondary school & going to college. The first thing that came to my mind was “Take every opportunity. Even if it isn’t necessarily what you want to do, just try it.” Take every opportunity you can. Even if it can mean jumping waaay out of your comfort zone. Even if it means going in a completely different direction than you were going. Even if you have no idea how it will turn out. Just do it. I promise you you will learn so much about yourself & it will give you so much confidence, & if you choose to, you will do something crazy & be looking back years later saying “did I really do that?!”. It starts with that willingness to make a change.

There is one habit I inherited from the amazing Rachel Hollis that has really changed my life. It isn’t specifically her habit, rather the habit of so many successful people before us. And that is to stay really connected to your goals by writing them down everyday. Doing this has really kept me connected to my dreams & the future version of myself that I will one day become. Making this daily activity habitual has really changed my life & I want to share it with you.

So, to get you started:

Firstly, do you have goals? I don’t mean in your mind ‘I want to run a write a book someday‘. I mean a physical list of clear, detailed goals that you look at daily & change as you go through life. No? Ok well that’s where we need to start.

If you do, AMAZING! Maybe look them over, what’s been on there for a while but maybe your heart isn’t in anymore? Are they detailed enough? Are they achievable? Do you know which ONE you are working on first & the next steps to get you closer? Start with those & see how you do.

For those of you who don’t write them down, here’s a breakdown of HOW & WHY.

Let’s start with the why. If you were to walk out into a forest with no map or any clues as to how to get yourself back home, what is the most likely thing to happen? Yep, you’d get lost. This is exactly the same for our wants, dreams, desires, aspirations, or as I like to call them, our goals. We all have things we would like to achieve & that will look different for us all. No matter what it is you may want you need to have a clear idea of exactly what that will look like once it’s achieved & how you are going to get yourself there.

Here’s the how. When I started doing this there were so many days I missed & even now I’m not 100%, but I am so nearly there. Every day I write down ten goals I have for myself. Now these goals are snippets of a life I have envisaged for myself that will one day become my reality. They are precise & clear. For example, one of my goals is ‘I am debt free’. It’s not, ‘I have paid off most of my debt’, it is ‘I AM debt free’. By wording my goal as if it has already happened I am rewiring my rain into believing it is possible & problem solving my life to make it a reality.

You may feel it is hard to pick ten goals, I did at first. I also have changed my goals over the years, a few are the same, but most have actually changed. So don’t worry about having ten on day one. Take your time & really think about how you want to change your life & who you want to become. The main thing about picking goals I want you to remember is, they need to be big. What are your biggest desires for your life? What is something you have always wanted to learn? Have you ever thought of training for a sport & competing? Have you ever wanted to publish a book, get a degree, start a business, learn a new hobby, start a charity, travel, skydive? What is it that you have on your heart that won’t leave you alone? That is what your goals need to be. Other goals may be something to help improve your family or personal circumstances, for example clearing all your debt, quitting a bad habit, healing old wounds. Goals like these will dramatically effect your life one they are achieved.

So we have, choose ten goals & they need to be written AS IF THEY ALREADY HAVE HAPPENED.

Lastly, I want you to pick one. Which one goal do you want to achieve first. Some goals will take you years to achieve, the time doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are making a commitment to focus on one major goal to work on that will get you closer to becoming the person you have always imagined being & having the life you have always dreamed of. We all have so much going on all the time, focusing on the one goal means you will be putting all your energy into achieving it, meaning you will do it better & faster than if you tried to do three at once.

Here is an example of the layout of your goals.

1.I am debt free.

2. I am an exceptional wife.

3. I graduated Oxford University with a business degree with honours.

4. Me & my husband own our own home on the coast.

5. I earn a six figure salary.

6. I skydived in Dubai

7. I published my own children’s book.

8. I am a qualified mental health support at work.

9. I got a promotion at work with a pay rise.

10. I make & sell my own ceramics as an online business.

First: I am debt free.

So, now you know how, why & what your goals list should look like you need to buy/use a notebook & set a reminder on your phone & get planning. Your goals are within reach! You CAN do this!

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