A conversation I had today reminded me of something I’d totally forgotten. . . I’d forgotten what I wanted out of my life. We all want more money, more holidays, better jobs, another tattoo, a nicer sofa etc. . . but when I get to ninety years old & I am sat in my rocking chair looking out onto a calm ocean & thinking back over my life, I want to be smiling at the memories of me learning mixology, going to Spain & doing my best to speak Spanish. I want to remember waking up in my converted camper van with my little family & spending the day exploring a different country. I want to be smiling at the memory of standing on the edge of stunning lakes & mountains & deserts. I want to remember the excitement when I saw a new planet or shooting stars from the clearest skies in the world. I want to remember helping baby turtles reach the ocean, the joy I got from hugging someone who is so grateful for the work I have been doing because it’s changed their life. . . I think somewhere along the way, in the past couple of years I have been very, very focused on one thing. Work. Life isn’t work. I don’t want my life to be work. I want my life to be emotion & experiences & laughter & joy & fear & surprise & learning. I never want to stop learning & loving & giving & being. My work will be a part of this, but it won’t be the biggest part.
There are many ways I could describe the space I’m in right now, mostly negative, cause hell, on paper I am in a crappy job, I am poorer than I’ve ever been, I am struggling to not be an anxious mess everyday & I don’t have anything in the pipeline to look forward to. . . except I do. My years & years of personal growth & self-love are paying off in this hard season. I have potential. I have a vision. And I have the belief that this WILL change. If I want to be that ninety year old version of myself smiling in her chair by the ocean I have to believe in the potential, the not yets, the one days. I have too. Life has repeatedly knocked me around this year. I have adapted so well & am extremely proud of myself for how I have navigated through it.
Today I have been reminded what I want & why I want it. What a gift that has been for me today. Today I want to encourage you to think about who you are. Who are you without your children, your husband, your job? Who are you deep down? Maybe it’s a part you haven’t spoken to in a long while. . . What is it that that part of you desires? What is your ninety year old version of you remembering?
The thing that scares me the most in this world, is regret. I want to encourage you to think about this too. We have so much more control of ou lives than we think. Change, big change, takes time, but slowly, one day at a time things do change.
We are the writers of our own stories.