Is your ‘Queen’ missing?

I was in the bath this morning and I was thinking how happy I am at the moment. I’ve had a couple of really awesome, productive days, I even sent the introduction for my book to a publisher yesterday! So things have been pretty great. Yesterday I said to my friend that I was really happy that my mojo was back and how frustrating it is when it’s not here. I re-thought about this conversation in the bath this morning. When I feel good because positive things are happening and I have things to look forward too, it’s so easy to be motivated and stay positive about life as a whole. However, when things aren’t necessarily going to plan, we don’t have things to look forward too, the global pandemic is still ongoing etc etc, we can fall into the comfortable habit of being negative, unproductive and unmotivated. ‘Being motivated’ is always something I thought you had to find. I’m here to tell you it’s not! You don’t find motivation, you make motivation.

The more I work on the IAB Project and write, read, listen to podcasts, the more inspired and creative I am. Getting to this place however when in a rut is rather difficult. Sound familiar? There are always, and will always be, times that life is not going to go to plan, this can be for a number of different reasons, most of which are out of our control. These situations make us fall off the wagon, convince ourselves we don’t need to do things for our own benefit, and most of all make excuses as to why we shouldn’t do something that is hard or uncomfortable. I was saying to my therapist not long ago, it is so frustrating that we know what we ‘should’ do to feel more fulfilled, productive or motivated, but we don’t do it!! It’s so frustrating! The analogy he went into about why this happensI found very helpful and interesting.

Split yourself into four. You have a Queen in the North, a magician in the West, a lover in the East and a warrior in the South. The Queen is in charge of dreams, decisions, choosing things that are beneficial, deciding when we should avoid certain situations or people. Then you have the magician, he is the default decider. When the Queen can’t or won’t make a choice, he goes to his manuals and books and makes decisions based on past experiences or what he thinks is best, this usually is the easiest, less stressful decision. The lover in the East represented your inner child your authentic self and your relationships. Then we have a warrior in the South who is the one who executes all decisions made but the others. When it comes to being motivated and making choices we know are hard, but ultimately are the ones that are going to make us more fulfilled and grow, the queen should be making the decision here. But often she leaves her post, leaving the magician in charge. When we have hard decisions to make, or it comes time do work on something, the magician will find the easiest, most un-stressful way of doing it. He will make the decision based on our past experiences and childhood lessons. With the Queen gone, the lover normally gets left out of all decisions and the warrior is sat twiddling his thumbs. Right now with my Queen in her rightful place everything feels positive and balanced and I feel in control of the only thing I have control of, my mind. So how do we get our queens to stay there? It’s a question that doesn’t have a simple answer. It is something I am still working on mastering. However being able to visualise these four parts of myself and clearly see who is in control helps me to refaces and get back on the wagon if I fall off. Our Queens know what is best for us and encourage us to work on ourselves. The more can we encourage her to stay by choosing things, people and situations that benefit us, the more she will stay up there in the North and keep the others in their place too, leading us to be in a constant state of happiness, productivity and balance.

The butterfly effect of doing something positive, fulfilling and productive is huge when we keep the momentum going. It is something you have to constantly hold hands with and talk to yourself about. You have to speak over the magician who thinks he knows best and listen to the Queen.

The quicker we can master this skills, the easier and quicker we will be living our more authentic selves and working on our goals and dreams everyday without any input from our magician. Even now sitting down and making myself write and do work that I know is going to take me closer to achieving my goals, I see so much growth in me and my magician is a little quieter. Keep going, you can do this.

‘You don’t have to feel like it to do it, but you do have to do it to feel like it.’ -John Maxwell

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