Something I have really struggled with for a long time, and still do, is this idea that everyone has to want the same things as me. To want to achieve high. Travel. Have a career. Change the world. . . I really wish I understood why I feel so strongly about this, and why I struggle to accept less from others. I can hear my therapist saying, “you don’t need to understand”. Well this may be true. . . I really wish I could accept it more though.
I think the biggest thing for me is friends and people I work with. I have felt like I am the most ambitious and courageous person in the room for a long time. And this isn’t me starting to talk about how I feel like I am more superior to other people because they don’t believe in what I believe. I just have felt this way and it puzzles me. . . it became more noticeable when I starting this project actually. I created this beautiful, huge, audacious dream in my head, that I believe, with everything I have, that I will create and that I will change the lives of so many people. I would tell people and they’d say it was really amazing that I wanted to do something so impactful. But that was it. Like they didn’t know how else to talk about it because they didn’t have the same vision. Similar things like this happened when I had a crazy idea to change careers, write a book, get a PT, or really, do anything that was total commitment to me changing my life for the better. Anything that required the vision of only myself, and hard damn work.
I don’t come from a long line of over achievers. I have no idea where my courage and gumption comes from. Where my vision, comes from. I didn’t have anyone that I really aspired too, or wanted to be. I wasn’t well off, or well travelled. But somewhere along the way, I felt this fire growing and growing, and one day it just exploded and I felt like I had just put glasses on after being blurry visioned for so long. I want to be so many things. I want to explore so many places. I want to get out of life every ounce of what I can grab. So when I listen to others and I hear the things going on in their lives, and it’s less than what I want, I get so frustrated. Because I cannot seem to grasp why they don’t have a why. Or why their why is so much smaller than I think it could be. . . .
This post isn’t really inspirational or thought provoking. I just express myself better when I write. So I am sharing this with you. . . . Am I on to something? Or am I just me, and a whole lot of acceptance and inner peace needs to happen? . . . .
The biggest challenge in life, is being yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else. -Unknown