I’d be one of the first to raise my hand to admit that I’ve said things to people because I think it’s what they want to hear. I’ve been dishonest to friends so I would fit in. I’ve done it to my family so they wouldn’t ‘judge’ me. I have been dishonest to men because I thought they wouldn’t like me otherwise. . . . above all though, I have been dishonest to myself. And that, is the biggest betrayal of them all.
Especially since I’ve moved to London, I’ve met so many new people, some of which I still speak too, some I don’t. And I’d say the past year has been yet another massive personal growth step for me. I feel so settled in my life. I am extremely lucky to have a fantastic job which not only allows me to do something I enjoy and get paid for it, but also study and socialize, go on adventures and grow. And with growth comes a new lesson. I am awesome. . . not in a vain, I love myself way. But a, I really truly love the woman I am and that is something nobody can take away from me. So when I meet a new person and realise I am over compensating and telling myself I don’t fit in with them, I seem to ping back a bit quicker. I suddenly realise that I am not happy and I wake up and am like, hold on Katherine, this isn’t you girl!
Every time we change ourselves to fit into somebody else’s mould we are giving a piece of us away. . . and if we aren’t careful, one day we will turn around and there won’t be any of us left. There will be a girl looking back at you in the mirror wearing clothes she doesn’t really like, in a job she isn’t enjoying and in a relationship with boys and friends she isn’t happy with. Far too often in society today we dismiss people because they don’t ‘tick enough boxes’. . . we are all human and we are looking for a connection. Find people who make you laugh until you need to pee, who give without expecting anything in return, who tell you how much you mean to them, find people who make you feel safe and valued. Those are the people who wouldn’t want you to change for anything. It can be hard finding these people, but when you do they will remind you of what is important and that being truly yourself is the biggest gift you can give.
You deserve all the wonderful things that life has to offer you. So be truly open to excepting them all. Be honest. Be fierce. Be strong. Be you. . . because really, at the end of the day, when the boy stops talking to you, when you and your friend drift apart because you move away, you will realise the only person who will be there with you for the rest of your life, is you. Make sure the person you are is someone you can’t stand to be without.
Shine on you crazy diamond. -Pink Floyd