I’ve recently noticed the phrase ‘show up everyday’. I’ve seen it on social media, TED talks, podcasts, in the book I’ve recently finished (Girl wash your face, By Rachel Hollis. YOU NEED TO READ IT!). . . .and I think to myself, YES! I want to be that person. The one who shows up and makes her dream a reality!
I have had three weeks off. And when I say ‘off’ I mean I haven’t shown up for myself, for three weeks. I’ve gone to work I’ve been to festivals and dinners and drinks. . . . but I have not done one new sentence in my course work, finished a single blog post or completed a to-do list. In three weeks. I would be one of the first to say that I often put things off because I know that there is nobody waiting for me to do the work, Sound familiar? You cannot have it together all the time, every day. But the different between not having it together and not even showing up is huge.
The reality of working crazy f**king hours and studying and starting a social media platform is insane. As a nanny I am tired. All. The. Time. There is no getting away from it. In the hours between looking after an energetic little pickle, I squeeze in the other work. The deadlines my studying and project work have are the ones I set up for myself. I am hard on myself and I expect to do what I say I will. But believe me, when I finish work, studying and writing are the first things to be put on the back burner. When I come around to looking at the long list I’ve been putting off, I often think back to when I said to myself it wasn’t that important and nobody would actually know because I wrote the list and I am the one who wants the work done. Wow. What a self sabotaging lie I am telling myself. It’s not important? nobody will know? what is this doing to my self-esteem?!
This time I really did need to look in the mirror. I thought about the poor girl I am letting down. The strong and beautiful woman who is trying to find her way in the world. The little girl I made a promise to that I would make her something. To the ambitious free spirit I said I’d make a better world for. . . . I stood there and looked in the mirror and reminded myself that the reason I write these lists and do this work that nobody else cares about or even knows about, is because I have a dream. A big heart engulfing, take your breath away, dream. And the raw truth of the matter is, nobody can do this but you. You can tell yourself anything you want. You can convince yourself that next time will be different, that you’ll do it at the weekend. But really you are probably just going to get around to it when you ‘feel’ like it. The road to your dream is really hard and long and majority of the time you may be winging it. But, in these moments when nobody is watching, when you’re exhausted, when you tell yourself tomorrow you’ll ‘feel’ like it, those are the moments when showing up for yourself is paramount. If you can’t show up and do the work now when it feels impossible, how will you ever handle a company, manage people, accounts, real deadlines, head meetings. . . . . ? I guess you can think of it as training for your future. You need the training in order to do the job. . . . So next time you don’t feel like it, you’re tired, you tell yourself you’ll do it tomorrow, go to a mirror and stand there and really look at the person you see and tell yourself that you are better than that and that you will continue to show up EVERY friggin day for yourself and even when you get to where you want to be, you will put you first because you’ve worked your butt off and you deserve it (read post #mefirst). You got this!
If you really want it you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.