Friends with benefits

Remember being in school and you found your best friend. You thought you’d be friends for life. Live together, go on holiday together, get jobs in the same place, even be each others bridesmaids? 

Then you both grew up. And ‘adulting’, as it’s now called, is a lot harder than you both thought. . . .

Since I’ve left school I’ve had friends come and go, some friends I’ve been close to then we drifted apart, and are now talking regularly again. I’ve got new friends and then I’ve got friends who’ve been with me the whole way since the day we meet. Moving to London has been the deciding factor for a lot of these relationships. It seems when you move on to bigger and better things, if people aren’t on the same wave length as you then they just quietly slip into the distance. I think the reality is, is that not everyone around you wants the same things as you, and that’s ok. But it does mean that at some point you will have to leave them behind.

I listened to a TED talk once, and actually this wasn’t the first time I’ve heard people saying that you need to let the people that aren’t where you are, go. I didn’t initially want to believe it, I like to believe the best in people. But the more ambitious I get with my life, the more I am seeing that this is true. It’s not that we aren’t friends anymore. It’s that I do my thing, and they do their’s. When I was at school I used to spend soo much of my time worrying about fitting in and who my ‘friends’ were. . . and now, looking back, most of them were not friends at all. Now I just want spend time with the people who make me laugh until I need to pee, the people who make me feel wanted and valued.

But don’t mix up the people who aren’t on the same page as you with the people who just ARE NOT your friend at all. Some people who you give your time to, you are their convenient friend. Only nice and chatty and wanting to go out when they have nobody else to hang out with.  Their will be people who you have a constant tit for tat bickering with. They play with your emotions and make you feel bad just so they can feel better about themselves. These are the people who will lead you astray, who won’t understand why you are working on your dreams every day, who won’t be taking steps in their own life, who question what the point is in getting out of bed when you don’t need to. . . . . those are the people you need to drop and run in the opposite direction from, now! Those are the people who will look up at you one day and realise they have wasted their time. . .

We are all busy with our own dreams, our time is precious and we need to surround ourselves with people who will help pull us along. I think a friend is someone who really chooses to be with you. To be by your side when s**t hits the fan. To hold your hand when you feel like you can’t keep going. To make you laugh until you cry. To point out what makes you beautiful when you forget. . . and above all, to accept you for who you are and what choices you make in life, regardless of how stupid and completely frustrating and absurd they may be at times. So yes, in the harsh reality of day it doesn’t seem fair to say that some friends that are by your side now, will not be there one day,  but life is a funny old thing and the older we get the more we realise how much we need people who just want the best for us, who allow us to be unconditionally ourselves and to show us, without a doubt, how much you mean to them.

When you do find a good one, hold onto them tightly, they are the ones who deserve to see you for the beautiful person you really are.


I think one of my favourite feelings is laughing with someone and realising half way through how much you enjoy them and their existence.   -Unknown

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